Episode 7 – What’s the difference between and autistic person and a kleptomaniac?

 An autistic person takes things literally.

A kleptomaniac takes things. Literally.

“It’s raining cats and dogs!”

It’s not though, is it? Cats and dogs are not falling out of the sky.

“I was so angry I bit his head off!”

Goodness. That’s quite extreme.

“I’m dying for a coffee.”

That’s slightly dramatic, I don’t think you’re ACTUALLY dying.

Ok so these are quite obvious examples of how common speech patterns could be misinterpreted by someone with a tendency to take things absolutely at face value. It’s something that many autistic people struggle with. Neurotypical conversations can include any or all of the following – similes, metaphors, figurative language, hints, sarcasm, subtext, deliberate misdirection or manipulation, mind games, little white lies and outright big fat fibs.

Many of us neurosparkly folks can’t do any of that. We don’t know how. And we just don’t get it. We don’t understand WHY you do it. Which I think on many levels is fair enough. The way we think is far simpler.

Take hints, for example. Isn’t “please could I have a drink” more likely to result in getting a drink than simply dropping the hint, “ooh I’m really thirsty”? And isn’t it easier to just say what you actually mean, rather than dressing things up in subtlety and euphemism?

I’m currently obsessed with “Waterloo Road”. OK I know I’m late to that particular party, but I’m now on season 3, which features a storyline about Karla, a girl with Asperger’s Syndrome. That term in itself dates the season pretty well, “Asperger’s” isn’t commonly used any more, thanks in part to some Nazi-infested muddy waters that Mr. Asperger found himself swimming in. (Some people do still use and prefer the term, and that’s fine too). But long story short, Karla is “neurosparkly AF”. During her first meeting with headteacher Jack Rimmer, Karla is instructed to “wait outside” while Jack speaks to her mum. I grinned to myself. I knew exactly how this one was going to play out. When Jack came out of his office to find Karla, she was nowhere to be seen. Where was she? Waiting OUTSIDE, of course. Literally, OUTSIDE. As in, outdoors. Jack had, of course, meant “outside the office”, but Karla’s literal interpretation of his words had taken her outside the entire building.

In the same episode, Steph Haydock tells Karla she will be “one second”.

On her return, Karla protests that her absence, in fact, lasted 35 seconds.

In a later episode, Karla is told to take her medicine and she refuses. We hear “Karla, take your medicine. I won’t tell you again. Take your medicine!”

Again, I knew exactly what was coming next.

“You said you wouldn’t tell me again. But then you did.”

I could FIGURATIVELY (not literally) have written the script for that entire storyline.

(HUGE respect to Jessica Baglow for her portrayal of Karla, by the way. Superbly done.)

So you see, when communicating with an autistic person, it’s important to be extremely clear and direct. Many of us are great at following instructions, have excellent attention to detail, and are extremely eager to please – just some reasons why employers shouldn’t shy away from recruiting us, as some still do. But we WILL follow your instructions to the letter.

Here’s a great example. One year, approaching mum’s birthday, she told me she absolutely did not want a birthday celebration of any sort. She just wasn’t feeling the birthday vibes and therefore there would be no need for gifts, cards, cake, a special meal – none of that.

I know, I know, I KNOW. I can almost hear the palms of neurotypical readers hitting their faces. Surely, Rach, SURELY you spotted that this was simply reverse psychology in action?

I did not. I took her at her word.

When the blessed day dawned, it turned out that she DID, in fact, want all of the above things, and for not providing them I was put very firmly in the doghouse. (That’s a figurative doghouse, by the way. She didn’t literally put me in a kennel. Just so we’re clear.)

In relationships, my partners have often been slightly perplexed by my tendency to say exactly what’s in my head, often without any sort of filter. A typical conversation:

Them: “You said THAT, so I figured you must have meant THIS.”

Me: “No. I said THAT. I meant THAT.”

I would have thought that was quite simple. But this way of communicating has got and continues to get me into hot water (figurative, not literal!) on quite a regular basis.

In an episode of “Star Trek – The Next Generation” (I told you I was a Trek Nerd!), Deanna Troi is berated by her mother for not using her telepathic powers to their full extent. I felt her reply in my very soul, “Only to avoid confusion, Mother. Humans constantly think one thing, and say another.”

Deanna, I see you.

So, if you want to communicate effectively with an autistic person, say what you mean, and mean what you say. Simples.

Love and sparkles,

Rach xxx